How Are Your Boobs?

Do you remember your very first bra? Mine was red and white, with a picture of Betty Boop on the cup and I was ecstatic. Wearing a bra is a right of passage for a young girl, the doorway to becoming a woman.

My family is full of large breasted women. We are either genetically blessed or cursed depending on your view point. In my personal life, my boobs have literally become an extension of me. I like to say, that wherever my boobs decide to go, I follow. I've been walking behind them most of my life. I don't just walk into a room, my gigantic chest barrels through a few seconds before I do.

And, those gals get a lot of attention. I used to try to hide them in sweatshirts and coats, but sooner or later the weather would grow warmer, and I would be forced to expose them. Tank tops have never been my friend; support bras, under-wire nightmares, and reducers have shaped and molded my mammories for years. I respect those lacy menageries.

I have always wanted to have nice small breasts. Breasts that allow for easy running. Breasts that don't require three bras to hop on the treadmill. I've never really understood anyone wanting larger boobs. The grass is always greener I suppose.

I read something recently about the "secret things woman do" and I was quite startled to read that chicks often get together and compare their boobies and nipples. I was really surprised. I've NEVER done that. I don't know why? Perhaps I was insecure. Never the less I do not see the need to compare. My boobs are my boobs, your boobs are yours. Hopefully we both have healthy happy boobs.

Over the years, I've found large breasts can be quite useful.


1. They make excellent beverage holders.

2. They can be used as floating devices.

3. The are great for holding a good book.

4. They make excellent pillows.

5. Hey, they can hold small animals. (Sorry, I couldn't resist when I saw this meme.)

No matter what, remember that your boobs (big, small, high, low) are awesome! Happy healthy boobies are wonderful, so go out and enjoy your boobs!

The Ode To Life Funny Quote Contest!!!!

I have been blessed with a gaggle of amazingly funny women friends. Here is a list of my top 5 funny quotes from these awesome ladies. Please take a moment and vote for your favorite quote!

1.  "I was just over there working...and drinking...because, I'm a professional, like in Madmen."
2. "If you are going to cut school, can you at least get your homework done while you're cutting it?"
3. "I don't have road-rage, I have road-frustration."
4. "This lipstick makes me look fat!"
5. I'm sure she doesn't have an eating disorder....It's just called being poor."

Wonder Woman and The Online Dating Debacle

I love Wonder Woman in all her cheesy glory. Blue and white star hot pants and charming gold arm bands. A mix of pure strength, femininity and utter ridiculousness. If Wonder Woman really were cheese she's not going to be a soft creamy brie or even a dry chunk of asiago. No, Wonder Woman is a good old Kraft single. She's an individual. She stands alone in the pack of muscled spandex-clad superheroes and she's entirely wrapped in plastic. Plus, just like a Kraft single Wonder Woman shall last forever.

So, I've officially been divorced now for nine months and technically separated for about three wonderful years so I think that I'm officially over the rebound mind games and I'm ready to get real about this thing people like to call dating. My first attempt was “church”, I know blasphemous to use God in such a way, but hey, people do it all the time and I figured it couldn't hurt to sneak a little prayer into my search for love.

Church was not a good choice for me, since I'm a people pleaser ( I know I'm working on that) and I was immediately accosted upon entering the building by a group of “sweet little old ladies” who in turn talked me into joining practically every church function in existence. I looked into the faces of these women with their coiffed white hair and lipstick and of course I said yes. The worst of the bunch was the choir. Actually, joining a church choir has always been a small dream of mine. I imagined fabulous rocking Sister Act like performances and “fun”. The truth was it was grueling. Three hour practice sessions once a week, and this was after a ten hour work day. Five hours worth of services on Sunday, exhausting to say the least. Then those “sweet little old ladies” ended up not being very sweet or nice. They treated every performance like we were singing for the Queen of England and between the hoity toity attitudes and shrill once first soprano voices were the nasty biting remarks about everyone and everything. These were the new generation of old biddy, and of course there were no men to behold, unless you counted the 85 year old bass in the back row or the only other member under the age of 75, a 16 year old tenor who looked like he was having just as much fun as I was.

Thus began the quest of online dating. The first thing I needed to do was choose a user name. Easy you might think but actually a daunting experience. I wanted to send the right message. Sexkitten37 just seemed too overt and very un-me while chubbysinglemomof11yearold seemed well, only too true and entirely un-alluring. Therefore, I went with wonder_woman_me – strong, yet sweet, and a tad dorky – perfect.

Choosing my profile pic was thankfully easy since I'm unbelievably photogenic and always take a candid glorious photograph....NOT. Sorry, yes another problem. I chose an upshot of full cleavage taken in a bar. The only bar I had been in in the last six months, which might be another reason I am online dating. Let's just say it was a hit and not in the way I had wanted.

Online, truck drivers love me! The scary kind, the kind you hear about passing their STDs from state to state. Guys with user names like bigrig10incher and ridemehard69. Then there are the sad pathetic guys that you just feel bad for. The men who take there profile pics while wearing a towel naked in their bathroom mirror or spitting chew outside their travel trailer that they live in with their six kids and their mom.

I soon began to understand the problem and changed my picture to the more demure almost school marmish pic that I use for my business website. This picture is professionally taken, but it looks like what it's supposed to look like: preschool teacher extraordinaire seeks love. The new picture brought along an entirely different batch of men. Solid looking men, fellow divorcees, older, wiser, and definitely less despicable...or so I thought.